The horizontal tango. Gettin’ it on. Hanky panky. A little bump and grind.
Whatever you call it… Let’s not tiptoe around the subject. It’s about time for some normalized conversations about what it means to be a sexually active and empowered woman.
Even though sex is a totally normal part of the human experience, historically there has been a heavy stigma and taboo surrounding female sexuality. Although female sexual empowerment is light years from where it once was, the lingering societal attitude still affects women and girls of all ages. It permeates everything from how we dress, what we feel comfortable discussing, and even our relationships with ourselves and others.
We’re reclaiming our sexuality and looking to take down these oppressive structures and stigmas. We think that having open conversations about our sexual lives and sexual health is a great place to start.
So, without further ado, here are a few things we can do to normalize sex and become more sex positive.
Explore Your Body
Have you ever heard of the orgasm gap? This is a phrase for the unequal sexual satisfaction women often experience during sex, and it’s a cultural problem that needs to be addressed.
Three out of four women say they don’t climax during sexual intercourse. This gap occurs most prevalently in heterosexual relationships; there’s a considerable difference in the amount a man orgasms versus how often a woman orgasms.
Closing this gap begins with learning and understanding our bodies— female anatomy and therefore pleasure is commonly misunderstood. A recent study showed that 59% of men and 45% of women couldn’t label the vagina on a diagram, and 43% of women and 52% of men could not correctly label the labia.
There are both macro- and micro-level ways to combat this issue. On a grand scale, we can push our representatives for comprehensive sex education legislation. On a smaller scale, we can learn about and examine our own anatomy (try using a handheld mirror!), and encourage our partners to do the same.
We can change our mindset, and stop feeling uncomfortable when talking about our bodies. Instead, we should embrace the “WAP mindset” and take back the pussy power.
Investigate Your Needs and PreferencesBecause of our patriarchal and often misogynistic society, many women’s experiences with sexuality are based on being sexualized (and unfortunately, often objectified). This can make it hard for us to uncover our true sexual desires and preferences.
Once we’re aware of this, we can combat it.
Start by doing some self-discovery. Look into different types of vibrators and other toys (We personally love Dame Products). Explore a kinks A-to-Z list to get your juices flowing (pun intended). Consume some sex-positive alternative porn. Take note of what excites you. Share your findings with your partner.
And, while doing all of these things, be sure to keep in mind that sexual discovery is totally normal and necessary.
Spread the Good Word of Consent
Another essential element to becoming sex positive is understanding and promoting consent.
Consent is commonly misunderstood to be a simple question of “yes” and “no,” however, consent must be "active, informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing.”
Side note: the way a woman dresses is NEVER an alternative for consent. It’s 2021. We’re ready for people to stop objectifying us for what we wear.
Having open and honest questions with your partner(s), friends, family, and youths in your life about the nuances of consent is a fantastic way to promote sex positivity. Take your advocacy a step further and volunteer for consent and sexual health awareness groups, like Know Your IX and Advocates for Youth.---
There you have it— our suggestions to becoming more sex-positive and for normalizing sex and female sexuality in 2021. Your homework? Go talk about sex with a friend today, and keep your mind open and non-judgemental.
The Orgasm Gap. Retrieved 29 January 2021, from https://www.durex.co.uk/blogs/explore-sex/the-orgasm-gap
Waldersee, V. (2019). Half of Brits don't know where the vagina is - and it's not just the men | YouGov. Retrieved 29 January 2021, from https://yougov.co.uk/topics/health/articles-reports/2019/03/08/half-brits-dont-know-where-vagina-and-its-not-just