I’ve always been comfortable with my sexuality. I regularly have conversations with other women about what empowers us through personal experience. What drives us towards desire? What fuels our lust and passion? My circle and I are comfortable, open, and no topics are off-limits.
These types of conversations with friends were why I found myself at Target at 7 pm last Thursday, in a section of the store that sells vibrators.
I grabbed a cute pink little one and drove home. If you ask me why it was until now that someone who fancies herself sexually evolved waited until she was 27 to buy her first vibrator- well, I don’t have an answer for you. But here I am.
The entire experience that transpired when I was home blew my mind. It was the most sacred I had felt from a sexual experience in general; like I was finally giving my body sexually, physically, and mentally, HONESTLY what it wanted.
I had my first orgasm.
As soon as I stepped off cloud nine, my mind started racing with possibilities. I couldn’t believe what I had just experienced. Why didn’t I do this sooner? Why did I wait? Does this mean I haven’t been able to fully immerse myself in other sexual experiences?
Wait…what about everyone else?! What about other women? How do they feel? This was a new conversation I wanted to begin, and research I wanted to do.
“Only 50% of women have reported orgasms through sexual intercourse,” according to Psychology Today, where “96% of men had orgasms through sexual intercourse.”
In 2015, a study was conducted to find long-term trends in the determinants of female orgasms, in Finland. The result? A declining trend in female sexual satisfaction with only 46% of women reporting ever having an orgasm and 9% of women reporting never having an orgasm through sexual intercourse.
My WHY Still Stands So I Kept Digging
Article after article, women asking doctors and medical professionals if “not having an orgasm through vaginal penetration is normal?” All I found was a lack of information. I energetically feel shame and fear, from myself and collectively as women. We are made to believe that we shouldn’t ask for what we want, and instead, are often expected to make sure our partner’s needs are fulfilled before our own.
The question should no longer be “am I turning them on”? It should be, “am I turned on?” “Have I expressed my honest sexual wants and needs, authentically and directly?”
How can we continue the conversation, so we inform, educate and most importantly empower women to learn about themselves, without shame or judgment? How can we pave the way for generation after generation, towards sexual integrity and fulfillment?
We can start by buying a vibrator. ☺
With that being said, here are some favorite picks I have researched:
- SMALL AND QUIET: WeVibe
This is my best friend Jennifer’s favorite. She can live without it, but she doesn’t want to! This one is a bit on the expensive side, but, according to Jennifer, it’s worth the investment. Some are even Bluetooth-controlled, but this is her top pick! We-Vibe was voted top couples’ vibrator and is continuing to add more fun and intimate connections for partners. They have tons of spicy additions to the bedroom for you.
- BEST SUCTION: DAME
Dame wasn’t recommended by a friend but my internet research led me here; the reviews had me blown away. This Dame product has “pressure wave technology that creates pulses of air for a savvy and unique thrill.” Dame Products engineers for sexual wellness by building a welcoming community, designing innovative tools, and bringing life-changing education to your bedroom. – Alexandra Fine, CEO and Sexologist, and Janet Lieberman, CPO. I really love everything about this brand and the products are really pretty as an added bonus.
- MOST DISCREET: LELO
So, when my friend pulled this out, I thought it was her lipstick or a lip gloss! I loved the whole idea behind Lelo. I love how it’s discreet, secretive and it doesn’t LOOK like a vibrator! Can you say clutch? Throw this in your purse, and no one will recognize it. Check out their summer sale which is going on now for up to 50% off!
-- Kassandra Castaneda